There are certain bands that you follow throughout your life - you grow with them as their music changes whilst familiar tunes bring a smile to the face and a sense of familiarity. I have a couple of these bands and one is Depeche Mode.
In the past I've longed to go to one of their concerts but no one seems to have the same taste in music. This tour I decided I would go. Booking tickets on line with anticipation and excitement I was transported back to my thrilled teenage self.
Yesterday (27th January) was the day of the concert in Birmingham - nearly a two hour journey by train, Part of me wanted to retreat, make some excuse for not going. But who would that excuse be to - only three people knew I was going and one of those was myself - so who would I be letting down?
I decided to journey to the train station on the local tram line - my second ever journey. No one took my far - feelings of guilt rolled over me, I was a fare dodger. Well not really, I was prepared to pay but no one asked and no one was around to take the fare. Reaching the station I collected my pre-paid tickets from the machine before finding a seat on the train.
I began to wonder how long karma takes to come round as being grateful for a free tram journey an announcement that off-peak tickets would not be accepted on the train journey. As soon as the ticket inspector asked to see my internet pre-booked ticket I owned up, blushing with shame, "I don't think this ticket is valid". He checked and it was, so I settled down to read my book whilst i battled with the fear of going to a concert on my own, shall i go, shall i pretend I missed the train?....
But I carried on.
Then I had to change trains, there was an announcement as to which platform the train was on - so I alighted thinking what a mix of people going to a gig. Thank goodness I asked the destination of the train - I was on the wrong one! Another bad omen, shall I give up? The train I need was further down the track - found a seat, all well.
En route to the venue were signs, make sure you leave in plenty of time, there is only one train, avoid the crowds. Another notice for me to quit. I ignored it. I ventured on, a lone person marching to the venue amongst couples and groups of people.
A small queue to get in the venue, the bar code on my printed e-ticket did not scan. Panic. But after asking a lovely steward to re-scan I was let through. Gosh - so crowded, but I let it flow past me whilst i remained calm. I got myself a drink, familiarised myself with the surroundings, Looked at for the entrance to my seating area. Initially couldn't find it - pacing up and down, surely it must be here, somewhere. Founds it - all i had to do was look round the corner. Another drink for the concert. Another steward takes me to my seat. Overcoming another fear - walking down stairs without a handle. I ask about leaving to make sure I get my train. Empathetically answered.
Seats around me empty. They start to fill up. I'm sandwiched between two couples. Trance music is playing. Minutes to go, excitement rising. Though I feel vulnerability alone. The band come on. Enthralled by them, the screens have amazing visuals - I'm thinking , how do they do that. The text art used in the opening song, brilliant.
one of the couples decides to move to different seats so they can dance. Do I move away from the other couple of stay where I am. I stayed, I always think moving away from someone is rude.
Then a film came on to their song "should be higher". Panic - fire in the film. Memories of my accident. Palpitations. I reasoned with myself - the fire cannot hurt you now, the song is brilliant, look at the beautiful images the fire art workers are making. I calmed down slightly.
More songs, more people dancing, so even though the couple next to me weren't I got out of my seat and swayed to the tunes.
Aware of the time I missed the last ten minutes to rush to get the train. Enough time to get a snack for the journey home.
There were many fears I faced, each one I wanted to bolt so quickly from, instead I stood still and let the word rush past me. My burns psychologist taught me that, it works, you're in control.
An amazing evening - for the music, the graphics and for actually doing it.
In the past I've longed to go to one of their concerts but no one seems to have the same taste in music. This tour I decided I would go. Booking tickets on line with anticipation and excitement I was transported back to my thrilled teenage self.
Yesterday (27th January) was the day of the concert in Birmingham - nearly a two hour journey by train, Part of me wanted to retreat, make some excuse for not going. But who would that excuse be to - only three people knew I was going and one of those was myself - so who would I be letting down?
I decided to journey to the train station on the local tram line - my second ever journey. No one took my far - feelings of guilt rolled over me, I was a fare dodger. Well not really, I was prepared to pay but no one asked and no one was around to take the fare. Reaching the station I collected my pre-paid tickets from the machine before finding a seat on the train.
I began to wonder how long karma takes to come round as being grateful for a free tram journey an announcement that off-peak tickets would not be accepted on the train journey. As soon as the ticket inspector asked to see my internet pre-booked ticket I owned up, blushing with shame, "I don't think this ticket is valid". He checked and it was, so I settled down to read my book whilst i battled with the fear of going to a concert on my own, shall i go, shall i pretend I missed the train?....
But I carried on.
Then I had to change trains, there was an announcement as to which platform the train was on - so I alighted thinking what a mix of people going to a gig. Thank goodness I asked the destination of the train - I was on the wrong one! Another bad omen, shall I give up? The train I need was further down the track - found a seat, all well.
En route to the venue were signs, make sure you leave in plenty of time, there is only one train, avoid the crowds. Another notice for me to quit. I ignored it. I ventured on, a lone person marching to the venue amongst couples and groups of people.
A small queue to get in the venue, the bar code on my printed e-ticket did not scan. Panic. But after asking a lovely steward to re-scan I was let through. Gosh - so crowded, but I let it flow past me whilst i remained calm. I got myself a drink, familiarised myself with the surroundings, Looked at for the entrance to my seating area. Initially couldn't find it - pacing up and down, surely it must be here, somewhere. Founds it - all i had to do was look round the corner. Another drink for the concert. Another steward takes me to my seat. Overcoming another fear - walking down stairs without a handle. I ask about leaving to make sure I get my train. Empathetically answered.
Seats around me empty. They start to fill up. I'm sandwiched between two couples. Trance music is playing. Minutes to go, excitement rising. Though I feel vulnerability alone. The band come on. Enthralled by them, the screens have amazing visuals - I'm thinking , how do they do that. The text art used in the opening song, brilliant.
one of the couples decides to move to different seats so they can dance. Do I move away from the other couple of stay where I am. I stayed, I always think moving away from someone is rude.
Then a film came on to their song "should be higher". Panic - fire in the film. Memories of my accident. Palpitations. I reasoned with myself - the fire cannot hurt you now, the song is brilliant, look at the beautiful images the fire art workers are making. I calmed down slightly.
More songs, more people dancing, so even though the couple next to me weren't I got out of my seat and swayed to the tunes.
Aware of the time I missed the last ten minutes to rush to get the train. Enough time to get a snack for the journey home.
There were many fears I faced, each one I wanted to bolt so quickly from, instead I stood still and let the word rush past me. My burns psychologist taught me that, it works, you're in control.
An amazing evening - for the music, the graphics and for actually doing it.
