You must have fun on demand - whoever you are, whatever you are feeling,
wherever you are – it is obligatory. It’s
a more difficult evening/night than Christmas Eve.
Saying goodbye to something, to people has always very proved very difficult for me – at an early age my father left, two great-grandmothers passed away, my Nan moved away.
New Years Eve is another day, tomorrow will be the same – resolutions made (yes I have some which I will share at some stage), but in all sense nothing changes.
I remember the great celebration of 2000 – I was being thrown around and beaten up by a boyfriend – that was 14 years ago. What have I achieved since then? I’ve moved about seven times, had three jobs, changed career, received crisis care at home, been admitted to the mental health ward, four failed suicide attempts and in a relationship that has no communication or feeling . Last year I vowed I would not be in that same relationship, but here I am because “I’m not capable of being without him; I wouldn’t be able to cope”. I could go out to a friend’s party tonight but I’m being guilt tripped into staying indoors.
The road to recovery is a slow and long one. During this break from work I feel I have made some strides – I know I can survive out of this relationship, I’ve applied for jobs meeting my skills, joined a gym, and been to church (where I have felt the most relaxed in ages).
I’m not out having fun in the big crowds but I know I am stronger and more focused than I was 12 months ago.
Saying goodbye to something, to people has always very proved very difficult for me – at an early age my father left, two great-grandmothers passed away, my Nan moved away.
New Years Eve is another day, tomorrow will be the same – resolutions made (yes I have some which I will share at some stage), but in all sense nothing changes.
I remember the great celebration of 2000 – I was being thrown around and beaten up by a boyfriend – that was 14 years ago. What have I achieved since then? I’ve moved about seven times, had three jobs, changed career, received crisis care at home, been admitted to the mental health ward, four failed suicide attempts and in a relationship that has no communication or feeling . Last year I vowed I would not be in that same relationship, but here I am because “I’m not capable of being without him; I wouldn’t be able to cope”. I could go out to a friend’s party tonight but I’m being guilt tripped into staying indoors.
The road to recovery is a slow and long one. During this break from work I feel I have made some strides – I know I can survive out of this relationship, I’ve applied for jobs meeting my skills, joined a gym, and been to church (where I have felt the most relaxed in ages).
I’m not out having fun in the big crowds but I know I am stronger and more focused than I was 12 months ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment